Conversations With a 5-Year-Old: Money Money Money

CHLOE: Mom, come here. I have to give you a present. I can't bring it to you because it's ginormous!

ME: Ooh, what is it? A car?

CHLOE: Yes, It's a Lexus.

ME: Wow, you bought me a Lexus? How much did it cost?

CHLOE: Five hundred dollars. But I got money back.

ME: How did you get money back?

CHLOE: Taxes.

Man, I wish I lived in her world!

Conversations with a 5- and 9-Year-Old: Boyfriends

Dinner conversation:

MOM: After dinner you'll need to brush your teeth.

CHASE: Ugh! I hate my life and everything in it! Except my friends and my games.

CHLOE: What about Mom?

CHASE: She should love herself.

MOM: I do love myself!

CHLOE: Yeah, you love everyone!

CHASE: Ew! That means Mom has like a billion boyfriends!

MOM: Well of course! I mean... DUH!

CHASE: (bursts into hysterical laughter)

CHLOE: What? Having a boyfriend isn't funny! IIII have a boyfriend!

MOM: Oh yeah? What's his name?

CHLOE: I don't remember.

We have it all together over here, folks! Haha!

Conversations with a 5- and 9-Year-Old: All About Mom

I saw this on Facebook and just had to try it.  Enjoy!

"Without ANY prompting, ask your kids these questions. Its a great way to see what they think."

Results... with my thoughts on their answers in italics:

1. What is something I always say to you? "I love you" (unanimous)

Awwwwwwww....

2. What makes me happy? "Boom Boom" (my cat), "when we listen to directions"

Agree.

3. What makes me sad? "When we don't listen" (Chase), and then Chloe added "It makes me feel sad for other people when they feel sad for us."

I have no idea what Chloe is talking about.  Not so sure she does, either.

4. How do I make you laugh? "By being funny" (Chloe), "When you say 'Don't laugh' in your serious voice" (Chase).

Hey.  Don't laugh.

5. What was I like as a child? "Funny and silly" (Chloe), "You wanted everything and said everything was yours, like 'That's mine! That's mine! Oh yeah, and that's mine!'" (Chase)

Wow, this is so telling.  I am pretty territorial about my space and my stuff.  Ha ha!

6. How old am I? 38

Nailed it.

7. How tall am I? 5' 3" (Chloe deferred to Chase on this one)

Nope.  5'8"

8. What is my favorite thing to do? "talk on the phone" (Chloe), "have fun with your children" (Chase)

I hate talking on the phone.

9. What do I do when you're not around? "watch TV," "work," "draw"

Draw?  Ha ha!  They apparently think I'm pretty tame.  Hilarious.  Makes me wonder what my tame mom really did when I wasn't around.  Food for thought.

10. What am I really good at? "ballet" (Chloe), "theatre" (both)

I used to be decent at ballet.  I'm glad she's impressed with my tendus in the kitchen.

11. What is something I'm not good at? "Geometry Dash"

It's a game they both play.  It's true.  I suck.

12. What do I do for a job? "theatre"

They got half of it!

13. What is my favorite food? "donuts and carrots" (Chloe), "oatmeal" (Chase)

I do not eat donuts and carrots together, just to clarify.

14. What do you enjoy doing with me? "coloring" (Chloe), "having fun" (Chase)

Me too.

Conversations With a 5-Year-Old: Meaning of Christmas

Just had a "Hallmark Christmas movie moment" with my daughter.

This morning she changed her mind about what she wanted to ask Santa for and I told her it might be too late in the game for Santa to change it.  I had just put the kids to bed and was sitting here on the couch when Chloe came downstairs and said she couldn't sleep because she had a bad feeling about her Christmas present. She was close to tears so I sat her down next to me to talk about it and I reminded her that Christmas was more about what you give than what you get, and we talked about the things she got her brother, her dad, her grandparents... and how happy they were going to be when they opened them. She got the biggest smile on her face and then it was my turn to cry! She went back to bed happy and left me sitting here proud. That's what it's all about, y'all.

(Oh, and I have a feeling Santa will come through for her, too...)

Conversations With a 5-Year-Old: Do You Wanna Build a Fort?

Today was a lazy day at our house.  Chase was playing video games, Chloe was playing in her room, and Mom was playing on her phone.  Suddenly Chloe comes in...

CHLOE: Hey, Mom!  Wanna build a fort? 

MOM (feeling lazy): *sigh* I don't really wanna build a fort.... 

CHLOE:  You don't think you can do it? All you have to do is believe in yourself!

Who can argue with that?

So I followed her to her room and apparently she had been trying to make a fort on her own, but something was missing:

Hahahaha!!  We always use books to anchor the blankets down.  She just forgot the blankets!  Man, I love this girl.

Conversations With a 5-Year-Old: Banana Butts

Chloe doesn't like the "butt" of the banana. You know... that little part at the bottom with a tiny bit of brown in it. Well sometimes she and I split a banana, and when I cut it in half I take the butt end and give her the "head." Today at dinner she was about to eat her half and we had the following conversation:

CHLOE: Mom, did you give me the butt?  

MOM: No, baby. Mommy loves you so much I always eat the butt for you.  

CHLOE: Oh, good. You're my BUTT-ler!

Nice.

Conversations with a 5-Year-Old: Mandarin Orange Battle

Today I had a battle with Chloe over mandarin oranges at lunch.  She kept trying to stall by engaging me in conversation, so I told her I wasn't going to talk to her again until her oranges were gone.  Shortly after that...

CHLOE: Mom? Mom? Mom. Mom. Mom. Mooooo-om. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mommy. Mom. Mom. Mom? Mom! 

MOM: Chloe, I'm not talking to you until your oranges are gone. 

CHLOE: But you just talked to me when you told me that. 

DONE.

For the record....  It took two hours but I WON.  HA!!

(OK, who is the child here??)

 

Conversations With a 5-Year-Old: Good Point

Chloe and I were listening to the Frozen soundtrack, which starts with the song "Frozen Heart" where they are singing about ice. This is a snippet of the conversation I had with my 5-year-old while it played:

CHLOE: Why do they say "cold and clear?" 

MOM: Well, maybe because ice is cold... and clear?"

CHLOE: You make a pretty good point.

Case closed.

Conversations With a 5-Year-Old: Talk to Text

Chase has had a lot of fun recently with my phone's "talk to text" feature. He thinks it's fun to send text messages with his voice, and he's figured out the faster and less coherent he speaks, the funnier the end result is.  I just had to share some of what he has sent as a result!

To his dad:

• I get me a human it’s funny because I wanted a boring
• I love Halloween babe sporting events during of that I don’t love me because it’s a little goat I’m a good day I’ll my day
• My dad is okay my dad is still a bit crazy but I don’t have Halloween because it’s so boring

This one sounds a bit like Shakespeare at the start:

• Speak now my dad in philly because even though she’s currently they he’s gonna happen to but I have a big score

And my two favorites:

• K I don’t know me because women ah ah ah ah
• Fake marriage spend the night but boring

Then we decided to text Grandma:

• I love him and his blind melon no rain
• How much I love you this is boring when I do stuff I'm going to tell me if I'm even if I don't love you because I have to go pick up sry maggot how to run away from do that

And (my all-time favorite)...

• Damn I love you babe going when I love lana going in July night.

Sorry, Mom!!